Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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