hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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