I wish I could teleport
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
