It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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