Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
