i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
