I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
