I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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