I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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