"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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