Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
