Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize