i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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