So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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