I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
