I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
