Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
