just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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