So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
