oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
