I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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