Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
