Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
