I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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