If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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