i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
