i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
