She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
