That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
