I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
