I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize