I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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