R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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