Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
