It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
