Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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