i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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