Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
