ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As shirtless as possible
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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