if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
