I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
