My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
no, he came in my armpit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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