I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
