How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
