So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
