Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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