The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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