I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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