Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
