so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
