Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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