before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
