Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
