it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
