I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
