he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
