he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
