Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i need some magic done to my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
