just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
