the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's like heaven, but drunker
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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