Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
