Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
