Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
