There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize