i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
