i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
