I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
