chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
