The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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