That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
