I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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